I Have A Plan To Defeat The Pharaoh!
by Atelier Puni
Summary: Marik drags Bakura along to carry out his various plans to defeat Yugi and the Pharaoh. Abridged-verse.
1. Pizza

A/N: Originally wrote as bedtime stories for a friend, believe it or not. The quality of writing does go up in later chapters. I don't even know what this is supposed to be... randomness everywhere.

* * *

"Marik..."  
"Bakura?"  
"...This is stupid..."  
"Silence, Fluffy!"

The motorcycle skidded to a halt, the two boys climbing off of it and making their way to the door of the Kame Game Shop.

Bakura stumbled a little, "You're going to get us both bloody killed one of these days, Marik... You drive like a bloody maniac. Don't perform stunts in small alleyways! ...How did you ever pass your test?"  
Marik grinned, "HA! Who needs a driver's license when you have SKILLS?!"

Bakura just shook his head, "Ugh...forget I asked. What are we doing here again, anyway?"  
"I'm glad you asked! Fluffy, this is my best plan yet. I promise this one will work! Yugi won't recognize us! Besides, we'll get paid for this whether the plan works or not!" Marik beamed enthusiastically as he ran to the door, pulling Bakura behind him.

The spirit just sighed as the other boy rang the doorbell, them both sporting typical pizza delivery uniforms - pale teal shirts bearing the company's logo, along with matching hats - they had stolen earlier, both their hair styled even more elaborately than usual.

As Yugi opened the door, Marik gave an over enthusiastic grin.

"WASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

There was silence, as Bakura looked away in embarrassment, and Yugi just stared in shock.

Before the door could slam, Marik quickly held up the delivery.

"Hey, hey! Don't slam the door on me yet! I haven't given you your friggin' pizza!"  
Yugi slowly reopened the door, taking the pizza.  
"...Right...I did order a pizza, but...why are you two delivering it?"  
"Whatever do you mean?" Marik asked, feigning innocence, "Well, that's not important. We delivered your pizza! And it clearly states here that it's cash on delivery, spikey. However we'll accept the mille-...that necklace as payment if you are lacking sufficient funds!"

Without a second look, Yugi passed over the appropriate amount of money before disappearing back into the shop, the door locking behind him.

Marik stared at the door, baffled, "...The frigg? What did I do wrong? I was sure he wouldn't see past our super disguise! ...Come on, Fluffy! Back to the drawing board!"

Bakura just sighed and shook Marik away as he tried to drag him back to the motorcycle, but was soon once again clinging to Marik for dear life as the two literally flew down the streets.

"You know what, Bakura? ...We should totally try playing card games on these things!"  
"...Marik, that's a stupid idea."  
"...Yeah, for once you may be right."


	2. Pillows

"Marik..."  
"Bakura?"  
"This is a stupid idea, too..."  
"Silence, Fluffy! And stop squirming so friggin' much."  
"You're heavy! Hurry up, al-bloody-ready!"  
"I am _not_ heavy!"

With that, Marik finally hoisted himself of off Bakura's shoulders and through Yugi's bedroom window.  
He dropped the rope he had been carrying out of the window before tying it to the bed.  
"Hurry up, Fluffy!"  
"Stop calling me that!"

Bakura climbed up the rope, Marik pulling him into the room once he'd reached the window.  
Once Bakura was in the room, he sighed.  
"Pray tell, Marik, what is your plan this time?"  
Marik grinned,  
"Yugi Moto and his Grandfather are out at the moment.  
We're going to collect all the pillows and cushions in the house, hide in the closet, and then when the Pharaoh walks into the room, we're going to jump out of the closet and attack him with the pillows! Isn't it brilliant?!"  
Bakura could only shake his head. "...That it is not, Marik."  
Marik looked slightly offended, pointing the millennium rod at Bakura. "Shut up and get me the pillows from the other rooms!"  
Bakura left the room, wanting to just get this whole escapade over with, as Marik proceeded to collect the pillows from Yugi's bed, stuffing them in the closet.

A few moments later, Bakura returned, carrying at least six pillows.  
"Fantastic!" Marik exclaimed, taking the pillows from Bakura and placing the pillows in the closet surprisingly skilfully, so that there'd still be more than enough room for him and Bakura to fit in it.  
"...You've done this before, haven't you, Marik?" Bakura commented as he watched the other boy stuff the pillows in strategic positions.  
"Perhaps," Marik grinned, before finishing. "Okay! Now, for us to hide! Yugi should be returning any moment now!"

Marik almost leaped into the closet, while Bakura took his place next to him rather reluctantly.

It wasn't long before Yugi had returned to the shop, making his way to his room.  
He took his jacket off, sitting on the bed; before taking notice that his pillows were missing.  
He left the room, finding that all the pillows in the house seemed to be missing.

As he walked back into his own room, puzzled, Marik whispered to Bakura, them both grabbing as many of the pillows as they could; "Ready, Fluffy? Three...Two..."  
"ONE!" Marik exclaimed as the closet doors burst open, as both villains leapt out and threw their pillows at Yugi, Marik enthusiastically while Bakura half-heartedly so.  
Yugi could only fall back in shock, before he realized what - or who - had happened.  
Marik laughed triumphantly, "We did it! We totally took him by surprise! Now, Yugi Moto! Hand over your puzzle, for we have won!"

A few seconds of silence followed before every pillow collided with Marik at full force.  
"Get out of my room!"

"C-Curses," Marik muttered as Bakura chuckled.  
"Don't friggin' laugh at me!" Marik cried, grabbing Bakura by the wrist and making his way back to the window.  
"Don't think you'll get away so easily next time, Pharaoh!"  
However, Marik's dramatic exit suddenly ceased as he looked over to Bakura, "...You go first."

Bakura couldn't even be bothered to protest, he climbed out of the window and jumped, landing on his feet with the grace of a cat.

"Friggin' show off," Marik muttered, attempting the same stunt...but unlike Bakura he fell in the wrong way and soon crashed into the spirit, landing atop of him with all the grace of an elephant off of a mountain.

"...So that is why you told me to go bloody first," Bakura barely managed to get the words out as Marik stood up and dusted himself off.  
"You were supposed to catch me! ...Don't just lie around all day, Bakura; we've got plans to make!"  
At the lack of response, Marik's grin fell. He turned back to face his partner in crime;

"...Bakura?"


	3. Markers

"...Marik."  
"Bakura?"  
"No matter how many times you drag me on these...'adventures', it's still bloody stupid."  
"Oh, lighten up, 'kura! Even _you_ might enjoy this one."

The two mismatched villains were whispering amongst themselves as they were, once again, hiding in Yugi's closet.  
"I doubt-" Bakura never got to finish the sentence, as Marik quickly jabbed his elbow into the thief's ribs.  
"Shhh, I can hear Yugi!"

As if on cue, a yawn could be heard from outside the closet, and Yugi could be heard saying softly, "Good night, Yami."  
There was a pause which the two took to be the spirit of the Puzzle's unheard answer, before the rustling of sheets and the click of the light being turned off.

The two villains stayed silent - as silent as someone like Marik could manage - for at least thirty minutes more, before Marik eased the closet door open, cursing under his breath when it creaked.  
Seeing that Yugi did not even stir at the sound, he grinned, carefully stepping out of the closet, motioning Bakura to follow him.  
Marik made his way over to Yugi's bed rather clumsily, one or two times stepping on a creaking floorboard or knocking into something, almost waking the boy up; though Bakura managed to keep him from making any major noise.

When the two reached the side of Yugi's bed, the blonde grinned, presenting from one of his trouser pockets a couple of black markers.

Handing one to Bakura while ignoring the spirit of the ring's questioning look, Marik could hardly contain himself as he tore the cap from the marker, gently rolling Yugi onto his back before drawing a big, squiggly moustache on the king of games' face.

Bakura was about to express how ridiculous this behaviour was, but even he had to chuckle when he saw the drawing upon Yugi's face; even more so when it occurred to him that this would soon be the Pharaoh's face.  
He smirked, leaning over, drawing comical glasses around the unsuspecting duelists' eyes.

Both replacing the caps on their markers, he and Marik high-fived, making their hasty retreat through the window; Bakura this time being able to catch the ungraceful Egyptian that had pitifully flopped from the window.  
Setting him down, the spirit shook his head; "Though it did not accomplish much, I suppose your plan was a success for once, Marik?"  
Marik grinned triumphantly, "Yes. Yes it was, Fluffy."

As the two sat on Marik's motorcycle, Bakura had just thanked the gods that this plan had went so smoothly, and that he wasn't the one that had ended up getting embarrassed...however, he quickly withdrew those thanks as Marik turned to him with a grin that made even the thief uncomfortable.  
Before he could even register it had happened, Marik had whipped the marker back out, scribbling on Bakura's face in the same manner as he had Yugi's.

When realization hit the spirit, his head shot down, in an attempt to hide his face with his long hair.

"ISHTAR!"

Marik grinned, preparing himself to be pushed off of the bike; though Bakura's hand quickly dropped as he saw Yugi's friends rounding the corner.  
To his horror, the group had looked over in the direction of the two...and suddenly the spirit didn't care, hiding his face in the back of Marik's shirt.  
All he knew was that he had to get out of there.

_"Drive already!"_


End file.
